Emily Graves spoke with Philippa-Jo Dobson about pregnancy, birth and recovering from miscarriage

Philippa-Jo Dobson

Philippa-Jo Dobson's aim is to shift the mindset of this current generation from a negative expectation towards childbearing. She wants to awaken women into an understanding that God is good and wants the experience of creating life to be a happy one. To not only look down on a new baby and say how good it is, but to be able to say how good the process of creating was. Having published Pregnancy In His Presence earlier this year, Emily Graves caught up with her to find out more.

Emily: Please tell us a little bit about yourself.

Philippa-Jo: I'm a full-time mum of two and I've got one on the way in the next few weeks; we're very excited in my house, everything's gearing up. I have been just a mum with a story to tell about what's happened in my life over my last two pregnancies. From that I've got a Facebook group and different things where I help mentor women through their pregnancies from around the world and from that has come this book that I've just written, Pregnancy In His Presence.

Emily: So what was it that made you start up these Facebook groups and mentor women?

Philippa-Jo: It's from my own experiences, particularly with my first baby. I laboured very, very quickly. I didn't have any pain with her at all and I started looking at why our bodies are created. As women, obviously, we're naturally created to give birth and I looked at why people struggle with that so much. There is so much negativity surrounding pregnancy. When we first found out we were pregnant, the doctor was the first person we told and we were overwhelmed with how negative she was. She said to us straight away, "Well, I'll give you a hospital appointment but, you know, only if the pregnancy lasts that long," and we came out of the office going, "Wow, this is the most happy time we've had and suddenly the first person we tell has this huge amount of negativity." With my daughter they told us she probably would have Down's Syndrome and we walked though lots of different symptoms like that and I really just knew that my story could help other people and eventually I wrote it down.

Emily: So in your book you look at the whole range of different areas to do with pregnancy, from the good side, but also to the not-so-great side as well. You're soon to be a mum to three children; however, a while back you actually had a miscarriage: what happened during this time?

Philippa-Jo: We were trying for our third and I fell pregnant reasonably quickly and within a few days I had miscarried. It was a roller coaster of emotions between, "Yes, this is it, here we go: number three," and we'd say, "Three is our number: last one, here we go, gearing up," and then within a matter of days it was all over and it was walking through that, thinking, "Wow, what just happened? You know this isn't right: my body's supposed to carry children full term and, you know, miscarriage: I feel robbed of this," and how to process that, really.

Emily: So when you were processing it, because it did happen so quickly, what went through your head and how did you deal with it?

Philippa-Jo: The emotional tidal wave that comes over you is just like that overwhelming sense of loss. From that it's just really giving yourself a time to grieve and grapple through and ask questions like, "Why did this happen? Why did I lose this baby? This is not right," and feeling the injustice of the whole thing. Then it's going onto a process of, "Ok, I've grieved, I've cried my heart out, but actually we are going to go on to have more children," and trying to get myself back into a place of, "This has happened to me and this is wrong but it's never going to happen again."

Emily: Did your perspective of God change when you had the miscarriage?

Philippa-Jo: My perspective of God comes from the view that he is good, so that's always been my underlying experience of who he is. So when something adverse like this happens you have a choice whether to lower the standard of what you believe to the level of your experience - which obviously this is a bad thing - or you choose to carry on and believe actually no, I know God is good and a good person wouldn't allow me to miscarry, so therefore it's not God that's moved his hand from a distant far-off place, but actually it's we've got an adversary as well and the enemy is the one who comes to steal, kill and destroy and he's the one that's robbed me, so I can get back into a place of trusting God. Through that whole time, God was the one who was my biggest comfort.

A miscarriage can be quite cataclysmic for a lot of women; a very emotional time depending on how far along you are as well. I miscarried very early on so perhaps I wasn't as emotionally involved as some women who lose their babies say 16-20 weeks down the line, but it's still that emotional "this isn't right" and an injustice and I think that's what needs to rise up within women rather than, "Oh God, why did you let this happen to me?" or, "God, why did you do this to me?" And actually saying, "God I know you're good and this is not right and let's move on". We need to stand with Jesus because he's standing and he's cheering and applauding us on and he wants us to succeed. I'd actually already written the chapter on miscarriage in my book prior to having a miscarriage and I was like, "Wow, I'd better go and check, is this still true for me?" I read it and obviously added in the fact that I had had one now, but actually no: my view of God remained the same just because I know him and I know that he's good.

Emily: Did fear play a part in this at all, when it came to expecting another child?

Philippa-Jo: Fear, I think, is the biggest thing that comes up against women through the whole of the pregnancy, from like I said that initial doctor's appointment experience that we had right the way through to the fear, especially for first time mums, of what's labour going to be like. It's this huge event that is portrayed as such a negative, painful, horrific episode and fear kind-of wraps its way right though. I think for women, if we can get to a place where we can move on from fear and put it to one side and as a Christian, obviously, I look at Jesus as the one who is the God of love and love is the opposite to fear and if I immerse myself in that love, then fear has no place. For me falling pregnant after a miscarriage, I'd already, through the process of loss and grief, worked through to a place before becoming pregnant again of, "Ok Jesus I trust you, I trust you: I trust you because I know you're love and therefore fear has to go."