Joy Attmore shares how she found peace in the midst of grieving the loss of her baby.

Joy Attmore

This year, 2017, began with the soul-crushing news that my husband and I had lost our first baby through miscarriage. There then started a journey for us of trying to pick up the pieces of our broken hearts, shattered hopes and the dreams and plans that we had for this year. We embarked on the path of trying to come to a place of peace with what had happened, while not necessarily understanding why.

People regularly ask me how I'm doing and, four months on, I can honestly say each time that I have complete peace with this season that we now find ourselves in. It is not what we planned, what we wanted, or what we would have chosen, but we have come to a place of being ok with what we don't understand.

If you Google the phrase 'peace in any situation', you will be greeted with link after link of blogs and websites giving the top five or 10 tips to maintaining peace, encouraging you to recite mantras, meditate, change your environment, or read a book, in order to gain this magical and illusive state in today's society. There are actually elements of truth in all of these tips, but none of these self-help write-up's give the whole truth.

Towards the end of February I had a few days where I felt overwhelmed with hopelessness. I was angry, my heart was full of unanswered questions and I blamed God for my empty womb. Old thought patterns returned and lies, that I had previously had victory over, began consuming my mind again. I felt like I was drowning and every negative thought and emotion that I gave in to felt completely justified.

Maybe you can relate to what it feels like, to be in a place that you never foresaw being your life; maybe someone you know, or a person that you read about in a magazine or book, but not you. You never thought that you would be that person grieving over a loss, or contending for a dream. You always envisioned that life would work out just right; it would all come together in the time frame you imagined. It is here that we can lose hold of our peace. It is here that we can give up hope.

I was having one of those days in my apartment, trying in every possible way to feel better and shake off the heaviness that I was being weighed down by. It was then that my spirit seemed to get a wake up call within me and I suddenly began dancing around the living room, shouting at every negative thing, that it had to leave my heart and my home. I had to clear house in order to allow peace to re-enter again.

God is a God of peace. It is who He is and in His very nature. When we allow Him into our hearts and lives, we allow peace to enter.

'And the peace of God [that peace which reassures the heart, that peace] which transcends all understanding, [that peace which] stands guard over your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus [is yours].' Philippians 4:7

It is possible to know complete peace when your heart is broken. It is possible to reside in perfect peace even as your circumstances appear tumultuous around you. It is only possible however through the act of surrender; through giving up control and giving it over to the one who is peace - God.

Since my afternoon of dancing and shouting around our living room, all angst and negativity have left me and I have found myself in a totally surrendered place, content in my surrender.

For those of you reading this who are in a similar place in your heart of contending for your promises, may you find the courage to surrender; may you be embraced by peace that reassures the heart and may you find contentment even in the midst of a season that you did not choose.